Oh but my darling, what if you fly?
On facing your fears and not letting your mind stop you
Not long after I sold my orthodontic practice, moved to a new state, and had all the freedom in the world, I found myself in a bit of a predicament. While driving over the Savannah bridge with my dad, I felt a wave of anxiety rushing over me. My heartbeat sped up, my face flushed and suddenly my thoughts shifted...
Oh my gosh, I am going to have I have a panic attack, faint, and drive over the bridge!
My typical work anxiety had ceased to exist, leaving space for my other anxious thoughts to percolate. More and more anxious thoughts began to intrude on my otherwise beautiful days. Bridges became an enemy, which is a bit of a problem when you live in coastal South Carolina! Would I make it to work or have to pull over? What if my mind told me to drive over the bridge and then I just did it?
Meanwhile, several other phobias that had previously existed emerged in full force...
Elevators: Check! Since I’d avoided them during COVID and don’t like in a city, I’d had a lot of time to avoid them
Driving on busy highways: Check! Especially new, busy roads
Flying: Check! Once again, yay for COVID for allowing me to avoid airplaines!
What started as a simple thought was spiraling like a snowball rolling down a hill.
I could see two paths before me... One in which I became increasingly fearful and restricted myself to my 10-mile radius or another in which I fought for my freedom...for my life.
I chose to fight. I had not come this far to let my monkey mind stop me!
My first step was to read a book called Dare by Barry McDonagh. I learned that the only way to free yourself from anxiety is to face it...put on your punching gloves and fight back! I'll give you the cliff notes here. Dare stands for:
D: Diffuse: Imagine your anxiety as a little person or cartoon character. Say to yourself and your anxiety, "So what? Bring it on!"
A: Accept and allow: Say to yourself "I accept and allow these anxious feelings and thoughts."
R: Run towards: "I dare you to make my heart beat faster!"
E: Engage in other activities. At this point you are not ignoring your anxiety, you are simply engaging in life and moving on.
The Dare book gave me the tools to start facing my fears and for several weeks I kept a sticky note in my car.
My second big step was booking my ticket to the Dew Conference. I had no idea what the conference was about but my heart yearned to go. Committing to going represented a big leap. I would have to go alone, drive on a very busy and unfamiliar highway and take the elevator up and down several times a day. Now, this is coming from someone who has flown to and attended numerous conferences on her own. But, such is life with anxiety. I was increasingly nervous leading up and I did consider backing out last minute, using the impending tropical storm as an excuse. But, despite the fact that my monkey brain was listing off a million reasons not to go, I went. I got in my car, clutched my steering wheel, blasted some Taylor Swift, and said "Screw this... I am going!"
My phobias might sound silly to you. They even sound silly to me!
Our fears can come and go, but our resilience and our courage is what we maintain. As we face our fears, we learn about the magnificent people that we are and the power we hold inside of us.
You can do anything you want to...I truly believe that. You can make ALL of your dreams a reality.
In the words of the poet Erin Hanson....
There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And if you ask, "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?
