Challenging our inner gremlin by applying these 4 questions
In this blog I’ll take you down a negative thought spiral and how one can apply Byron Katie’s 4 questions
It’s Saturday morning. I wake up at about 6:45 to the birds chirping and I am feeling fantastic. I grab my phone off the nightstand and browse facebook and Instagram. Inevitably, a post strikes a chord and I’m in downward spiral like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.
The trigger was so very simple…I saw a post about a friend lecturing about sleep disordered breathing to a dental society. On one hand, I was quite excited for her! She is smart, inspirational, kind and a loving friend! But, while part of me praised her, another part spiraled into negative thoughts…
How did she learn so much about this topic?
In other words, I don’t know anything about this. I am an imposter in orthodontics. I should not even do orthodontics anymore.
She looks so professional and natural in public speaking.
In other words, I could never do that.
She balances her life so well. She is a mom, has an innovative, successful orthodontic practice AND has time to lecture, learn all about this.
In other words, I cannot do all that she is doing. I am not that smart.
Bottom line: I am a failure.
Whoa, what?! How did I go from seeing a friend, who I love and care about, to feeling like a failure?
The good news is that now I know to challenge my thoughts. Our thoughts (inner dialogue/ inner gremlin at times) creates our feelings which influences the actions we take. Often we don’t even recognize the thought behind the feeling we are experiencing. This is the foundation of cognitive behavioral therapy and recognizing this cycle is an important first step. In my case, my negative thought spiral created feelings of worthlessness which made me want to quit orthodontics/ not take risks/ give up. Sound familiar?
What are some ways to challenge our thoughts?
We can never stop our thoughts from flowing, so first we need to give up that goal. Thoughts are like clouds passing in the sky. While we cannot stop our thoughts from occurring, we can stop attaching to them. Attaching to thoughts causes us to suffer. Here are 4 questions you can ask yourself when you are suffering from your thoughts:
1) Is this a thought or a fact? In other words, is this true?
2) Can you absolutely know it is true?
3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe this thought?
4) Who would you be without this thought?
*Another question, which I think summarizes the above questions well, is “What is the story I am telling myself?”
In my case my thoughts were: I don’t know anything about this topic. I am an imposter in orthodontics. I should not even do orthodontics anymore. I am a failure. I am not smart. I couldn’t handle doing all that she is doing, and therefore I am less than.
Are any of these thoughts facts/true? No. I do not have an extensive background in Sleep Disordered Breathing, but learning is a continuum. I am not an imposter orthodontist- that is ridiculous! I’ve been practicing for 12 years and know deep down that this is not true. I certainly should not quit being an orthodontist. I am not a failure- where did I even come up with that? I am smart- not knowing about SDB does not have anything to do with intelligence. Lastly, maybe I can or maybe I cannot do all that she is doing. I have a beautifully balanced life. And, while social media paints a picture of calm and perfection none of us know what is behind the scenes. Either way, we are all individuals and there is no sense comparing ourselves to what others are accomplishing. Take that, brain!
When I attach to these thoughts I suffer. I feel worthless, hopeless and want to quit.
Without my attachment to these thoughts I feel more light, free, confident and calm.
